


Pepper Potts Has The Best Campaign Staff

by TheoMiller



Series: something bigger [18]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 2016 Presidential Election, American Politics, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheoMiller/pseuds/TheoMiller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or, the one where Steve has an idea, and Pepper's apartment becomes the start of the campaign trail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Steve found that he liked Pepper – a lot. She was wry and witty, always able to keep up with the Avengers’ snippy remarks, and she ran a tight ship. Something about the firm no-nonsense way she handled Tony and the kindness she extended to all of them reminded him of Peggy in a way that made him ache a bit. Not bad, not like it’d been when he woke up. But he imagined Peggy and Pepper curled up on one of Tony’s white couches, discussing how best to deal with stubborn men and keep things running smoothly, and he wished she could have this life with him. He thought she’d like Phil, too.

“I just wish there was some way I could change things beyond Stark Industries,” Pepper was saying.

And Steve couldn’t get drunk, or tipsy, but he could get reckless and unthinking from lack of sleep, so he yawned and said, “You should run for president.”

Pepper squeaked and very nearly splashed wine down her suit. “I—I can’t run for president,” she said.

“Why not?” Steve asked. “It seems like the world’s ready for a woman president, and you’re the best woman for the job, if you ask me.”

“I have a company to run,” she said.

“There are a lot of people in Tony’s life now, you know,” Steve said. “I think Maria Hill might be a good choice for CEO.”

She squinted at him. “You’re really serious.”

“Yep,” said Steve.

“Oh my god,” Pepper said, “Captain America wants me to run for President.”

“Not wearing the suit,” he shrugged. “I’m just your friend Steve. Who thinks you can handle a country more than easily, after how long you spent dealing with Tony Stark.”

She bit her lip. “Is it bad that I’m actually considering it?” She asked.

“Virginia Potts,” Steve said firmly, “it is _great_ that you’re considering it. If you want it, you should do it.”

“President Potts,” she said.

“Madame President,” Steve replied cheerfully.

Pepper shook her head. “I’ll think about it, Steve."

-

Somehow this ended up with Pepper looking at her bank account and thinking, _I could do this_. And then downing a glass of wine and calling Sam.

Sam was knocking on the door of her apartment in under 45 minutes holding a Starbucks cup, flanked by Natasha, who was carrying a stack of banker's boxes with a determined expression and a messy bun. Pepper barely managed to get out of the way of the door before Coulson and Steve followed, bearing a ridiculously large dry erase board. Bruce came next with an armful of rolls of paper. Clint and Bucky carried in pizza and soda, Thor and Jane had office supplies, and Skye and Darcy were armed with laptops and tablets.

"I'm not sure—" said Pepper.

Tony strode in. "Agent Terrifying is parking, the science kids are arguing about numbers, and your future vice president is finishing up whatever silly thing he's doing for the Army before he flies here post-haste."

She took a deep breath, and the world settled into familiar territory: utter chaos. "What, you came empty handed?" She asked, even as she tipped her cheek towards him for a kiss.

"I brought you strawberries," he said, and for a moment she actually believed him. Then she started laughing. "Okay, okay, fine, I brought you something far better than anaphylactic shock."

"Oh?"

He produced a very expensive bottle of rum. "Booze. JARVIS, where does Pep keep her cups?"

"Tony," she said, putting a hand on his arm. Then she paused, took the bottle from him, and replaced her hand a moment later. "I'm keeping this. But can you please explain why the protectors of the Earth, in their entirety, are in my living room?"

"You don't sound excited," he said.

"What if there's an emergency?"

"Then we're already assembled. You know, normally, when your ex-boyfriend brings you good booze and Captain America to help you become the next leader of the free world without concern for who's going to be his kick-ass CEO now, you get a thank you. Well, actually, I'm pretty sure that's never happened before, but if it had, that guy's ex-girlfriend said thank you."

"I said I was thinking about maybe running for President, while I was tipsy."

"Pepper," interrupted Steve, "if you want us to leave, we will all walk back out that door. But if you want to do this, even if you just want to _think_ about it, we're here, and we're gonna find a way to make it happen, if you'll let us."

"Bringing pizza was a good call," she said.

Steve waited, patiently. After a moment of confusion, Pepper realized he was waiting for an actual, definite yes. "Okay, yes, let's do this."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Great. We have permission to make you even more awesome. Now, cups!"

"I have Solo cups, there's no reason to ruin Pepper's dishes," said Melinda from the doorway.

Pepper smiled at her past Tony's head and mouthed, _thank you_. She got a single nod in response. Then May herded Leo and Jemma into the room. "I found these two bickering about swing states in the hallway," she said drily.

"Independent," said Leo, "she'll steal votes from both parties and destabilize them."

"This isn't Europe, they have a bipartisan structure!" Jemma argued.

"Between the Stark name and Rhodey's service record, we can get the business and military votes," said Tony, "I mean, say the words 'run the country like a business' and half a dozen Libertarians just automatically come in their pants."

"Gross," Jane said.

"Accurate," said Tony.

"Accurate, but gross," Darcy said, and snagged a Solo cup from May. "Hit me. All my best ideas come after caffeine and alcohol. Actually, I think Caffeine & Alcohol is the motto for poli-sci majors."

"Caffeine & More Caffeine was already taken by STEM fields," said Bruce.

Natasha was unpacking boxes of magazines and newspaper clippings featuring Pepper, Thor and Steve were taping a giant map of the United States to the dry erase board while Phil directed them to the proper center, Clint and Bucky were handing out plates piled with pizza and filling cups with soda and labelling them all with sharpies, Bruce was unrolling smaller maps of different states and their demographics, Skye had a relay set up and was hardwired into the internet and already typing furiously, and Jane was drafting an equation on a corner of the whiteboard while Leo and Jemma barked numbers intermittently. Darcy had perched on the kitchen counter and appropriated Pepper's grocery list chalkboard in order to draft main speech points. Tony was typing on his phone with one hand, splashing rum into any Solo cup held out to him with the other.

May surveyed them all judiciously before turning to Pepper and raising one eyebrow.

"I think," Pepper said, "that I'm going to run for president."

She got a smirk in response. The  _you think?_ was very much implied.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Retweeted by Clint Barton @birdboyoriginalflavor: Twitter feed transcripts adapted from Tumblr post, "Best Of What You Missed in the 2016 Election" by tonystarksavedny009.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well folks, here you have it: a nice, hefty dose of fictional escapism.

**The Washington Post**  
9/19/15 –  
TODAY STARK INDUSTRIES CEO Virginia Potts announced her candidacy for President as an independent candidate. In response, Donald Trump withdrew from the GOP primary and is now also running independently. Statements from the Democratic and Republican parties are expected shortly.

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
I'm done with these GOP losers. I have the best campaign. Way better than SI. I can win this.

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
Stark Industries has always been a leader - not surprised to see other candidates follow Pep @VApottsCEO

 **The Onion** @onionpolitics  
Presidential candidates now include Madonna, Ronald McDonald, and Whoever The Fuck Runs Taco Bell.

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
Tony Stark is a loser. What a moron. Can't build guns. Can't "save" New York without trashing it. Can't support a real candidate.

 **The Daily Show** @thedailyshow  
We're having billionaire Avenger Tony Stark (@iamironman) on the show tonight to talk about his CEO's candidacy. Watch!

 

 **Buzzfeed** @buzzfeedus  
The question on everyone's minds: who do the Avengers endorse?

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
Ms. Potts is a close personal friend and a worthy candidate, as are many (not all, but many) of our candidates.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
Please stop asking me if I endorse her. As Captain America, I endorse only the American people.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
As a private citizen, my personal politics are exactly that - personal.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
I encourage voters to research and choose their own candidate. You can see statements made by each candidate here tinyurl/dhe65j4kl/

 **Clint Barton** @birdboyoriginalflavor  
Fuck it, I'm not a symbol of America, I can say what I want. #VotePepper

 **Sam Wilson** @newimprovedbirdboy  
I trust Donald Trump with America about as much as I trust Clint (@birdboyoriginalflavor) with my taxes

 **Clint Barton** @birdboyoriginalflavor  
@newimprovedbirdboy hey! I mean, true, but hey! I'm better at math than he is at basically anything!

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
I endorse Pepper. Obviously.

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
But if you don't vote for Pepper, for the love of GOD, don't vote Trump or Ross.

 **Bruce Banner** @drbrucebanner  
Pepper Potts's clean, renewable energy platform is scientifically sound. #VotePotts

 **The New York Times** @nytimes  
Donald Trump doubles down on hardline immigration stance in latest speech.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
1\. Anti-immigration is a unique stance for someone who's married to an immigrant.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
2\. Immigrants are valued based on how easily they can be exploited – cheap labor, arm candy, assassins.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
3\. Xenophobia is only part of this. Racism & Islamophobia play a role too. I have faced adversity, but not as much as others.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
4\. I'm white. I assimilated into American culture. And I'm useful to powerful people.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
5\. I never faced adversity like non white immigrants who will not abandon their heritage for the comfort of xenophobes.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
6\. The Red Room, a terrorist cell, claimed to be working towards advancing the cause of Soviet Russia.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
7\. The phrase "make the Soviet Union great again" would not have been unusual in the Red Room.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
8\. Leaving the Red Room, unlearning my ingrained prejudices against foreign bodies, was hard.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
9\. But I've never regretted it. Because it was the right thing. That insidious hatred will leave you hollow.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
10\. Be a force for good, America. No point in greatness if you're not doing good.

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
Commie killer claiming I'm the bad guy. What a joke. 

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
We're going to be looking at Asgard very closely in terms of immigration law. Very closely.

 **Thor** @bigandblond  
I admit I do not know as much as my beloved Jane about such things, but I do not believe it is possible to build a wall on an Einstein Rosen Bridge.

 **Thor** @bigandblond  
I am, however, certain that Asgard would not pay for such a thing.

 **Thor** @bigandblond  
Just as I am certain a wall of that sort on any border would be little more than a waste of time, money, and effort.

 **Darcy Lewis** @mygfcouldkillu  
Walls in space! It's gonna be yuge! @bigandblond

 **Thor** @bigandblond  
_< laughing/crying emoji> [sic]_ RT @mygfcouldkillu  
Walls in space! It's gonna be yuge!  @bigandblond

 **Jane Foster, Ph.D.** @ERBresearcher  
Bruce @drbrucebanner and I ran calculations on the cost of a border wall -- > tinyurl/ahe8s4irb

* * *

 

 **Politifact** @politifact  
Did Donald Trump advocate for war crimes? Politifact rates this as True.

 **Bucky Barnes** @2ndchancehero  
Having been the victim of war crimes, I'm kind of leery of candidates who advocate killing entire families.

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
Ridiculous. Assassin who committed war crimes accusing me of advocating them.

 **Bucky Barnes** @2ndchancehero  
@realdonaldtrump @ me next time  < _kissy face emoji ><kissy face emoji><kissy face emoji> [sic]_

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
Every Avenger has been subject to intense scrutiny under international law.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
Medical/psych experts from 5 continents have testified that the mind control used by Loki/Hydra/the Red Room is sufficient to create a lack of personal autonomy.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
Sergeant James Barnes, alias the Winter Soldier, was a prisoner of war who underwent serious trauma.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
He had an exemplary service record and, had he not fallen from a train in the Alps and been declared MIA, would have been a decorated war hero.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
It is the official opinion of the United States of America that James Buchanan Barnes is not a war criminal.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
And the Avengers Initiative's position on the matter is even simpler: Bucky is a hero.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
Natasha Romanoff, alias Black Widow, was a victim of child trafficking and illegal human experimentation.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
After being given a chance to join SHIELD, she prevented 73 high profile assassinations in ten years and helped save NYC.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
Natasha Romanoff is an American citizen who, while employed by a law enforcement agency, did kill people in action, in accordance with international law.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
Natasha is an Avenger and a hero.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
The Avengers are not perfect. Many of us are fighting for the right to call ourselves heroes. Myself included.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
But ad hominem attacks based in falsehoods are not going to be left unchallenged.

 **Captain America** @CaptainAmerica  
Thank you.

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
God bless America RT "@captainamerica Thank you."

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
Please don't vote for anyone who retweets something from @hydrawasright

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
I mean, I'm trying to be impartial here, but I have to speak out against hate.

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
What kind of war hero is dumb enough to fall off a train? He couldn't even save himself. Sad.

 **Sam Wilson** @newimprovedbirdbro  
Don't you come after Barnes's service record, only I'm allowed to trash talk the ex-army Avengers. #CapDidntGetIcedForThisShit #usaf

 **God Bless Dat Ass** @capgirl08  
#CapDidntGetIcedForThisShit Donald Trump retweeted 8 neo Nazis in a week

 **US Expat In London** @gr8cesspool  
KKK membership on the rise, leaders thanking Trump #CapDidntGetIcedForThisShit

 **VOTE POTTS** @alinem7  
Donald "always a civilian" Trump attacking a POW  & Avenger #CapDidntGetIcedForThisShit

 **Pepper Potts** @vapottsCEO  
I would like to take a moment to thank not only my friends in the armed services, but also every service member and veteran, for their service. -P

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
After I shut down SI weapons production, we made protection our #1 priority in defense contracts. SI body armor is globally ranked.

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
In 2009, Pepper and I set up a charity for veterans injured by Stark weaponry. Starktech.com/purpleheartfund/

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
What services have you given for the country, Donald?

 **Sam Wilson** @newimprovedbirdboy  
When you're so famous that you don't even need to @ people and they still see all your tweets.

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
@newimprovedbirdboy And he always replies. Always.

* * *

 

 **Pell Research Poll -**  
DONALD TRUMP - 20%  
HILLARY CLINTON - 19%  
VIRGINIA POTTS - 19%  
THADDEUS ROSS - 18%  
MARCO RUBIO - 9%  
TED CRUZ - 4%  
JEB BUSH - 3%  
DEEZ NUTS - 3%  
JILL STEIN - 1%  
UNSURE / OTHER CANDIDATES - 4%

 **Darcy Lewis** @mygfcouldkillyou  
A year ago today I thought this election would be Bush v. Clinton. Now I'm looking at Deez Nuts polling the same as Jeb Bush.

 **Skye Coulson** @minicoulson  
Guys, I know it's funny on paper, but you CANNOT let Deez Nuts get the Republican nomination. He's pro BOFA.

 **Clint Barton** @birdboyoriginalflavor  
@minicoulson just sent me a text demanding I reply to this tweet with "what's BOFA?" Fuck you, Skye, no.

 **Phil Coulson** @pcoulson  
@minicoulson ...all right, I'll bite, what's BOFA?

 **Clint Barton** @birdboyoriginalflavor  
@pcoulson I'm not touching that one.

 **Skye Coulson** @minicoulson  
@birdboyoriginalflavor the joke is dead.

 **Darcy Lewis** @mygfcouldkillyou  
@pcoulson BOFA DEEZ NUTS

 **Darcy Lewis** @mygfcouldkillyou  
@pcoulson Sir.

 **Skye Coulson** @minicoulson  
@mygfcouldkillu I don't think the 'sir' helped, babe.

 **Phil Coulson** @pcoulson  
How do I delete my Twitter?

 **Phil Coulson** @pcoulson  
Actually, how do I delete the ENTIRE INTERNET?

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
@pcoulson Ctrl + shift + w.

 **Phil Coulson** @pcoulson  
@therealcap I had work open.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
Don't let Tony (@iamironman) or Bucky (@2ndchancehero) give my eulogy.

 **Phil Coulson** @pcoulson  
Is it treason AND murder to kill Captain America?

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
I could probably make a flash grenade that just projects bad reality television, @therealcap.

 **THE SUN** @thesunuk  
Who are the Coulsons? Sources close to the Avengers say illegitimate heirs of Howard Stark.

 **New York Post** @nypost  
Son of Howling Commando tells all: Phil Coulson is Captain America's son!

 **The Onion** @theonion  
President Says Mysterious 'Phil Coulson' An Android In New Press Release

 **Hawkeye** @hawkguy  
Phil Coulson is an associate of the Avengers, who previously worked with me and @blackwidow.

 **Hawkeye** @hawkguy  
For his safety, the Avengers have ensured that it is nearly impossible to track @pcoulson or his daughter @minicoulson down.

 **Phil Coulson** @pcoulson  
If you're tweeting me asking who I am: go back and watch @theredavenger and @birdboyoriginalflavor on The Colbert Report.

 **Natasha Romanoff** @theredavenger  
You'd think, after years of taking every opportunity to make up sex scandals, the tabloids would reach the "he's dating an Avenger" conclusion faster.

* * *

 

 **Pell Research Poll -**  
DONALD TRUMP - 24%  
VIRGINIA POTTS - 24%  
HILLARY CLINTON - 18%  
THADDEUS ROSS - 17%  
MARCO RUBIO - 12%  
GARY JOHNSON - 1%  
UNSURE / OTHER CANDIDATES - 4%

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
Making history: not one, but TWO independent candidates are leading the polls. And only one is a raving madman! #PepperForPresident

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
Pepper just released her tax returns! Despite being under audit! Check 'em out, folks.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
I'm happy to announce that a friend of mine has just purchased land in beautiful Tijuana for charitable uses.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
The Avengers have coordinated with local government to organize efforts to build safe, green affordable housing.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
It is unacceptable that in the 21st century, people are relegated to living in poverty in beautiful resort cities. This is one step in the right direction.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
This is an extension of similar charitable projects here in the USA to more world citizens in need. Together we are stronger.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
And I hope that seeing us as we work with local laborers to make this dream a reality will serve to remind you: America does not stand alone.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
(1) Thanks to all those who have made this dream plausible, especially the mayor of Tijuana and Bishop of the Tijuana archdiocese

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
(2) and also everyone helping me learn Spanish!

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
No, @billoreilly, I am not pro-globalization. I believe countries deserve autonomy, and cultures the right to not only survive, but flourish.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
To those asking: I believe that assimilation of others into western culture through "mission trips" is not a solution, it's part of the problem.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
This is not a government act. The Avengers are here to help the impoverished, regardless of national origin.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
In fact, I very much hope to learn more about Mexican culture - we were rather short on that in the 1930's!

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
Even "Captain America" is letting these Mexican cowards dictate to him. Some hero! He should be helping US citizens.

 **Steve Rogers** @therealcap  
All people are created equal, endowed with unalienable rights - life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. ALL people. Not just Americans.

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
Hey Donald, remember that horribly failed luxury condo project you slapped your name on? The one that cost a lot of people money?

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman  
Confirmation from the Potts campaign is in. The deed on that land just got signed over.

 **Virginia Potts** @vapottsCEO  
Since it's officially public record: yes, I do now own the land once being developed by Irongate and Donald Trump.

 **Stephen Colbert** @colbertathome  
@jonstewart I've got nothing.

 **Jon Stewart** @jonstewart  
@colbertathome Don't look at me, I'm retired.

 **Trevor Noah** @trevornoah  
You know, when I took this Daily Show gig they said election years would be crazy, but. Damn.

 **John Oliver** @JohnOliver  
Every fucking time I think I have a full grasp on America, something like this happens.

 **Virginia Potts** @vapottsCEO  
This has been in the works for years; my first correspondence with the Mexican gov't on this project was in May of 2013.

 **The Daily Bugle** @dailybugle  
@vapottsCEO You expect us to believe that you purchasing that piece of land was a random coincidence?

 **Virginia Potts** @vapottsCEO  
Oh, no, I was originally planning to start in Mexico City.

 **Virginia Potts** @vapottsCEO  
But I wanted to give a practical demonstration of my plan for America vs my opponent's. Perfect opportunity. 

* * *

 

 

 **New York Times** @nytimes  
Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross secured the number of delegates necessary to become the Republican nominee last night.

 **New York Times** @nytimes  
Marco Rubio is expected to drop out of the race at his press conference tonight.

 **Virginia Potts** @vapottsCEO  
I look forward to debating with @HillaryClinton, @GeneralRoss, and @realDonaldTrump after the conventions.

 **Sam Wilson** @newimprovedbirdboy  
Since I can't wait for an interview slot to open to stop the tide of questions: no, I do not endorse General Ross.

 **Sam Wilson** @newimprovedbirdboy  
Before the Avengers, I worked for the VA. Both jobs involve a lot of traumatized folks, and a lot of cleaning up messes left by Ross and people like him.

 **Sam Wilson** @newimprovedbirdboy  
Ross doesn't have my vote. And if you care about our armed forces, neither should you.

 **Huffington Post** @huffpo  
Vladimir Putin reportedly stated his belief that "Donald Trump is the best thing for America". Trump's campaign manager has released a statement expressing his gratitude for the support.

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
Tremendously positive foreign feedback to my campaign.

 **Donald Trump** @realdonaldtrump  
Looking forward to making @vapottsCEO eat her words calling me a "travesty to the very concept of diplomatic relations".

 **Natasha Romanoff** @redavenger  
Trump waxes poetic about Putin, but I'm the one with unsavory Russian ties  < _tea emoji > [sic]_

 **Tony Stark** @iamironman   
_< side eye emoji> <side eye emoji> <side eye emoji> [sic] _@realdonaldtrump RT "@redavenger Trump waxes poetic about Putin, but I'm the one with unsavory Russian ties < _tea emoji > [sic]_"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is there a tag for "reality divergent" or "AU where we didn't just elect Voldemort and trusty VP Umbridge to the Oval fucking Office"?
> 
> i'll be drowning my sorrows in Star Trek posts over at @ heroscafe on tumblr if you feel the need to fight me about the politics expressed above by the avengers or w/e

**Author's Note:**

> @ reality: yikes


End file.
